I can’t believe my baby turned 5 yesterday. I know parents say this all the time, but it really does feel?just like?yesterday that we were driving to the hospital to welcome him to the world. We spent the whole day as a family celebrating the birth of the last member of our little family tree (for now until grandkids come along in the?future).? Dad took the day off of work and we took the day off of school. It was all about our youngest, the baby of the family!

He came into my room?yesterday morning and first thing out of his mouth was “Mom, I’m 5 today.” He’s really been looking forward to this birthday. The thought of being a whole hand old has been pretty exciting to him.?He also had been warning me for the last 16 days that?he was going to look different. I’m not sure what he’d been expecting, but maybe he thought he would look older.?After he came in my room and announced he’s 5, he crawled in bed to cuddle like he does most mornings. We usually lay there and whisper?about whatever comes to his mind. On his mind?this day, of course, his birthday. I wasn’t at all surprised when he asked me if he looked different.

I truly cherish those mornings when I get a little snuggle time. I know that the time is coming where he won’t be doing that anymore. He’ll outgrow me faster than I’m ready for him to. All I can do is enjoy every single minute of time I am blessed to spend with him and look forward to his future. I know it goes by fast and I never really understood that until I became a mom. I feel such joy and ache all at the same time on every birthday of each of my boys. I always have and probably always will cry the night before their big day. The last time they will be that age just hits me so hard. The night before his birthday was no different.

It seemed like the day was a huge success. The birthday boy was thrilled with the all of the surprises that Dad and I had planned for him. He was also very appreciative of the time and effort to make his day special. We had kept the whole day a secret, not telling him anything that was planned. We decorated the house for him after he went to bed and he loved waking up to all the decorations. He looked around in awe just thanking us over and over for all the balloons, streamers, and signs. He loved going to Wacky World and playing on the inflatables. You know a place is a success when your kid tells you it’s the coolest place they’ve ever seen. And I knew we couldn’t go wrong with the bowling. He loooooves to go bowling. Making a day fun for my 5 year old really isn’t hard. He loves everything, especially when the whole family is involved. What makes it special to me is how much he really does appreciate it and how thankful he is.

So, my youngest son, thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for making me laugh every single day that I’m with you. Thank you for being so loving and sweet. Thank you for being silly and dancing and singing and playing and just doing all of the fun things that you do. Thank you for telling me out of the blue how much you love me. Thank you for all of the hugs and kisses that you give to me. Thank you for always being full of surprises (I should have expected it when I found out I was pregnant with you on April Fools day). Thank you for giving me so many things to be thankful for that I could list pages and pages of them. Thank you for just being you and letting me be your mom.

Happy Birthday, T-Bone!!

Since we made the decision to pull our boys out of public school at the semester to start homeschooling, I think that my husband and I have been asked dozens of times why we were doing it. No matter how many times I get asked, I still panic just a little when I have to answer. How much is too much to say? Are they going to get offended because their kid is in public school? Do they really want to know or are they just being polite? Most of the time I don’t think they really want to know the truth of why we’re doing it. I think they want to know if some kind of terrible thing happened at public school that made us pull our kids out. They are looking for gossip or dirt to spread around.

I usually sensor my answer very carefully depending on who is doing the asking. I’ve decided though that may not be the best thing to do. What if the person asking is thinking of homeschooling their kid? Maybe they are being vague because they don’t want to feel any pressure in case they don’t do it. In the past I always just answered that it’s what is best for our family and we really?wanted the flexibility. While both of those are extremely true, they really don’t get down to the heart of the matter.?

I wanted to homeschool from the get go. Before my oldest even started preschool, I wanted to do it. Unfortunately, I let other people get in my way and also let myself get in my way. By listening to those other people and not trusting my instincts, my oldest went off to public school.?A few years later his younger brother followed. I hated it. I knew it was a mistake, but always let those other voices creep in my head. People telling me that I can’t protect them forever, that they need to be in the real world, they have to make friends, they need to learn how to deal with negative people and situations, etc, etc, etc.? I listened to all of them with the nagging feeling in my heart and question running through my mind of what is the big rush.

Well, my kids certainly learned a lot in public school.? They learned about having their shoes peed on in the bathroom, their clothes torn on the playground, large rocks thrown at their faces hitting them in the eye, how to scarf down their lunch in 15 minutes, oral sex in the bathroom, “humping” in the tunnels at recess, the rude words and names they learned about are endless including all forms of sh*t and f*ck.? It’s amazing what kids are learning at our government schools and my kids learned most of these valuable lessons by first grade.? These are certainly lessons they would never have learned at home.

I have really beat myself up over the fact that I sent my boys off to school and didn’t follow my heart from the very beginning.? I have amazing kids and they don’t deserve some of the terrible things they had to experience.? Is it my fault….absolutely it is.? I should have had the courage to not care what anyone else thought and stood up for what was right for my family.? Even if it was going against dear friends and other family members.? I haven’t got my time machine completed yet so I can’t go back and change it.??I just have to take from it what I can and?continue to move forward.??

“School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. They are full of dull, unintelligible tasks, new and unpleasant ordinances, and brutal violations of common sense and common decency.” ~ H.L. Mencken